Humor - 101 Uses for Tallow
Written by The Collective Collective


As a group a while back we got together and had a "fat rendering" party for a period candlemaking project. After rendering the fat we had a great deal more than we knew what to do with so you can see below that nothing goes to waste in our group.

1. Bikini Wax
2. Candy Wax Lips
3. Generic Brand Preparation H
4. Moldable Voodoo Dolls (Great for changing the features if the person it resembles should walk up unannounced!)
5. Mooooo Fondue
6. Diet Oleo
7. Mushroom Dip (keeps mushrooms free from Ticks and Fleas)
8. Ceiling Plaster
9. CROFT's Famous Celts House of Wax
10. New Age Air Freshener
11. Out Door Fire Starter (Instant Flames!)
12. Tallow Ball (For People Who Don't Want to Wait for Winter for Snow Ball Fights)
13. Annual Brown Bag Auction Surprise Donation
14. Cold Weather Door Stop
15. High Gloss Furniture Polish
16. Lubrication for (edited)
17. Soup Fixins (Add Veggies & Water)
18. Ski Wax (Snow & Water)
19. Handle Bar Mustache Wax
20. Leprechaun Gag Gift
21. 12th Night Table Decorations
22. Celtic Face Painting (Just Add Wode)
23. Deep, Deep Moisturizer
24. Insect Repellant/Attractant
25. De-Rummels Pots
26. Assist Sticking Square Pegs in Round Holes
27. Burglar Alarm (Spread on Floor in Front of Doors and Windows)
28. Santa Revenge (Just Watch the Fat Guy Try to Get Back Up After You Pour Some Down the Chimney)
29. New Artistic Medium for Farrah Fawcet
30. Market Cross for Arizona Renaissance Festival
31. Dashboard Saints (Available in Three Religious Colors)
32. Turtle Wax (Works Great on Tortoises, Too!)
33. Prank Tofu (New Fad, This Will Replace Fake Vomit by Fall!)
34. Fruit Dip
35. Silver Tarnish (Easy Way to Get Rid of Family Heirlooms)
36. Engraving Medium for Celtic Knot Work
37. Undetectable Plastic Explosives
38. Siege Protection (Fill the Moat and Keep the Fires Lit)
39. Tester for Home Smoke Alarms
40. Telephone Wire Greaser (Keeps Those Pesky Pigeons off the Wires and the Cats Full and Happy!)
41. Defense for Castles (Just Boil & Pour)
42. Plane De-Icer (Ice & Snow Just Slide Off of the Wings)
43. Appetite Suppressant (Keep an Open Gallon in Your Fridge for a Couple of Weeks and Just Try to Eat Anything in it)
44. Ice Cube Flavoring (Same Concept as Above)
45. Great Way to Get Dog to Play with Ugly Kids (Just a Dab Behind the Ears)
46. Fly Strip (Great Present for In-laws)
47. Barn Air Freshener
48. Irish Tallow Soap (A Manly Scent, But I Like It Mooooo)
49. Freezer Insulation
50. Hot Air Balloon Ballast
51. Non Toxic Breast Implants
52. Birth Control (Just Try to Get Into the Mood While Covered Head to Toe)
53. Cures Impotence
54. Pompadour Hair-Do Gel (Elvis Would Have Used It, As Long As He Didn't Eat It First)
55. Poor Man's Slip & Slide (Gotta Piece of Plastic Ready for the Ceili?)
56. Laxatives
57. Tallow Wrestling (Wednesday Nights at the Go-Go Room)
58. Tallow Tablets (When Cuneiform Tablets Just Won't Do)
59. Weight Gain Drink (If You Can Swallow It)
60. The Christmas Gift for the Person Who Has Everything
61. Gets Rid of All Sorts of Pains (Just Dump a Bucket Over His Head)
62. Religious Medals
63. Greek Fire
64. Tallow Sculptures (Weddings, Anniversaries, Graduation Parties........)
65. Natural Deodorant
66. Toxic Waste Container (You Really Think Anything Can Cut Through This? You Should Have Seen What It Took to Get It Off of My Stove)
67. Sealing Wax
68. Suntan Oil (Trust Me, You Won't Attract Any Unwanted Company)
69. Molotov Cocktails
70. Party Favors
71. Flower Arranging Oasis (Holds Even the Most Temperamental Stems in Place)
72. Tallow Putty (Copy the Sunday Funnies & Then Stretch Them Different Ways)
73. Ta Ta Ta Tallow, Ta Ta Ta Tallow Pets (Wait Until You See What Grows)
74. Post Hole Filler
75. Warm Prickly
76. Automobile Oil (Why Pay for Quaker State or Mobile?)
77. Roller Blade Lubricant
78. Land Fill Filler
79. Tallow Dough (In 8 Brilliant Colors!)
80. Miracle Bra Filling
81. Fake Nose (Cyrano Any One?)
82. Saffron Muslin Poultice (Celtic First Aid)
83. Go Swimming In the Tallow End of the Pool
84. After Storing Six Months in Fridge, Use the Baking Soda and Water for a Tasty Gravy
85. Toothpaste
86. Quasimodo's Hump
87. Allergy Relief (Like You Can Smell Anything Else When You Are Within Three Feet Of Tallow)
88. Fake Sweat (Rub on Chest & Arms When You Want to Look and Smell Like You Have Been Working Hard)
89. Tallow, the Musical (Starring John Travolta & Olivia Newton-John)
90. Rust Inhibitor (Just Ask Any Knight What They Use on Their Armor)
91. Spinning Wheel Oil
92. Feed to Cat Before Stringing Violin
93. Faerie Protection
94. School Science Project (Is Tallow A Base or An Acid?)
95. Lava Lamps
96. Beat Into a Froth and Replace Whipped Cream in Any Dessert
97. Use On Outside Walls To Keep Lizards Off
98. Bannister Polish (Slide On Down)
99. Diet Aid (Rub Some on Your Hips and Sliiiiiide Right Into Those "Too-Tight" Jeans
100. 100 Was Edited......This is a Family Organization, After All (Just Use Your Imagination and Tell Us What You Came Up With! I Still Have Over a Gallon!!!)
101. Candles? Naaaaaaaaa. Way too Easy.



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